M's diapering tips

Presented from my folks to my friend L's folks on the occasion of her baby shower, January 6th, 1996.

Mom's Top Ten Diapering Tips

1. The weight and smell of a disposable diaper is a better clue to how wet it is than its feel.

2. If baby is wearing a sleeper or coveralls, unsnap and tuck the bottom half of the garment behind her back during the change.

3. To minimize sock turnover, take off socks before removing a poopy diaper.

4. If you can hear or feel the baby pooping, give her plenty of time to finish to avoid further eruptions during the diaper change.

5. Have wipes, a fresh diaper and a change of clothes out and within reach before opening a dirty diaper.

6. When wiping a poopy baby, firmly hold her ankles in one hand, her wrists in another, and wipe with your remaining hand.

7. Lotion, oil, or even that icky diaper rash ointment on your hands can render the diaper's sticking tabs useless. Wipe your hands before touching the fasteners.

8. Put a cloth diaper between baby and the diaper pad to minimize washings of the diaper pad.

9. Practice tearing a baby wipe into pieces with one hand.

10. Place a baby mobile over the diapering table to reduce fidgeting.

Dad's Top Ten Diapering Tips

10. Mothers prefer diapers with Disney cartoon characters over those featuring Beavis & Butthead or Itchy & Scratchy.

9. A clean disposable diaper makes a great snow bonnet.

8. The Ride of the Valkyries at high volume can soothe a crying baby during a diaper change.

7. Diapers don't do well in a compost heap, not even if you run them through the mulcher first.

6. Check every trash can in the house daily for dirty diapers, especially the one in your study.

5. If you're ever tempted to swear during a 4:00 a.m. diaper change, turn off the baby monitor first.

4. For a John Cage diapering experience, fire up Brahms' Lullaby on every music box, plush toy and baby mobile you've got.

3. By the time you think to check it, you needn't bother -- the diaper is always wet.

2. Don't expect to ever look at peanut butter the same way again.

1. Beware the dreaded Fountain of Youth.