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RIP you SOB

So Ronald Reagan is finally gone and I'm trying to figure out how he turned into Lady Di. Even the NPR coverage is a nauseating pile of collective amnesia.

My disgust with Ronnie Raygun goes back to my formative political years, when I was a college peacenik and he was president. Where to begin? As if it weren't enough that he put an anti-environmental radical in charge of the EPA and an anti-justice radical in charge of Justice, tried to escalate the arms race with Star Wars, broke the bank on military spending while claiming to be for smaller government, dumped the mentally ill to fend for themselves on our city streets, slept through cabinet meetings, lied, cheated, and stole -- as if all that weren't enough, he funded two brutal and pointless wars in Central America, siding in each case with the least morally defensible faction. To find a worse president one has to go back to 19th-century genocidalists -- or forward to George W. Bush.

I don't gloat over the death of anyone, but I'll be damned if I'll respect in death someone who didn't deserve it in life. So I'll answer the idiocy of the eulogies with the low humor of the Austin Lounge Lizards. You can try this buggy bit of audio or if that doesn't work you'll just have to imagine it accompanied by banjo music and cracks of the Rawhide whip.

The Ballad of Ronald Reagan

They tell me that he came from Illinois
They say he was the All-American boy
Then he went out to Hollywood to make himself a name
And he went on to minor motion picture fame

He starred in movies with a chimpanzee
And in a western series on TV
He spoke for Goldwater with rhetorical zip
And he coasted to the California governorship

They call him Ron
Ronald Reagan

Taxes got entirely out of hand
But he was held over by popular demand
If it took a bloodbath to stop student unrest
Then that's what the ungrateful little bastards would get

'Cause he was Ron
Ronald Reagan

   The Democrats had them a candidate
   Destined to go down in flames
   He said that Ronald would drop the bomb
   While imitating John Wayne
   ("Mine's bigger than yours, Rusty")
   He wanted to be LBJ
   Or Harry Truman at least
   But with his partner Mondale
   Jimmy Carter suffered defeat

The military budget grew obese
And justice was entrusted to Ed Meese
He supported South Africa, sold missiles to Iran
A strategic initiative to kill his fellow man

He was Ron
Ronald Reagan

The lobbysists are counting their loot
From the man with the died hair and the teflon suit
He's our good old president and I am so pleased
'Cause he knows that pollution comes mainly from trees

He's our good old president
He's star of the show
He'll balance the budget
In a million years or so

He's our good old president
I think he's really swell
But if he wants me in Nicaragua
Then he can go to hell

He's our gun-running president
He's slippery as a squid
He's stupid if he didn't know,
Dishonest if he did

He's our good old president
His policies I curse
But at least he's not Nixon
He's even worse

Yes he's Ron
Ronald Reagan
Big Ron

But, Prentiss, you are gloating. At least have the spine to admit it.

What will be said of you when you die? That you were a perfect person? That you never did anything that *someone*, *somewhere* might consider morally objectionable? I doubt it.

The LA Times has certainly gone out of its way to accentuate the positive, such as his enviromental record as California governor (as opposed to that while U.S. president) and his superiority to our current scourge (genial with political opponents, occasionally willing to raise taxes to combat deficits).

If you are forced at knifepoint to say something nice about him, you can admit he was quite good in his last movie, The Killers.

And at least he managed not to press the big red button and start World War Three as some of us expected.

I completely agree with you Prentiss. Let the bastard rot. WTF.

Joke:

Q: Why is Reagan better than Bush?
A: Because he's DEAD.

Plus, I said this elsewhere but I'll say it again. I'm sure Hitler was sweet to his own kittens. I don't care how "genial" or "nice" someone is in their private character. When you are a politician, your character is your policies and your policies are your character.

Hi, BB, thanks for your support. For the record (and especially if any Secret Service agents are reading this!) your joke probably crosses some ill-defined line of what I'd post in my own blog, but what the hell. It can stay until the trolls and flamers force me to remove the comments on this thread.

As you say, my inclination is to judge Reagan's policies, not his personal life. (Although when the conservative right wants to beat me over the head with the alleged "character" of their anointed heroes, it's hard to resist.)

In Texas, they are flying flags at half mast for 30 days. Isn't that a bit excessive?

I don't agree with you guys.
I'm not saying that RR was perfect, but when I look at Bush, every other president looks so good!

The mainstream media certainly does seem to have selective amnesia in their eulogies to Uncle Ronnie. I've got a brief post going on my own site that pretty much sums up my feelings.

To NPR's credit, today they've started doing some slightly more balanced coverage of his legacy rather than just quoting the gushing of mourners. It still feels like they're pulling their punches, though.

You've probably already read this but in case you haven't, you might want to check out Christopher Hitchens' elegantly titled article "Not Even a Hedgehog: The Stupidity of Ronald Reagan."

>>So Ronald Reagan is finally gone and I'm trying to figure out how he turned into Lady Di.<<

Some of us are still wondering how Lady Di turned into Lady Di.

Prentiss, in the midst of all of these accusations about torture in Abu Ghraib and GITMO, I am surprised nobody remembers that it was under Reagan that the infamous SOAS torture manuals were disclosed (under an FOIA) and publicized. We owe him and his cronies much of the infamy and cavalier attitude towards human rights that the current government is so adept at displaying.

And frankly, NPR became worst than Fox.

Reagan on the youth of Berkeley: "They dress like Tarzan, they look like Jane, and they smell like Cheetah." Whereupon the National Guard commenced tear gassing Sproul Plaza from a helicopter.

The man I feel sorry for is Jimmy Carter. When he passes away, God bless him, they'll just mix his ashes with a can of Billy beer into a batch of concrete and pour him into the floor of an affordable duplex. Yet he deserves much credit for the Reagan Revolution, in that it was Carter who disproved the post-Nixonian theory that honesty was good politics.

At least we can look forward to future cameos from the B-actor, playing opposite his friend Saddam on South Park ... in hell.

"What will be said of you when you die? That you were a perfect person? That you never did anything that *someone*, *somewhere* might consider morally objectionable? I doubt it."

I hardly doubt it that Prentiss is guilty of killing so many people through his policies.

As for Reagan, I grew up in a pretty conservative household. I had no idea there were dissenters out there. When I was 9, I went to visit my cousins in LA. I remember seeing a lady spit on Reagan's star on the Hollywood walk of fame or whatever that thing is called. My aunt explained that he wasn't very popular with the working class. After that I watched Reagan like a hawk. Then I noticed that he wasn't so nice.

He was nice to the White House squirrels. Just like Hitler was probably real nice to his kittens.